Tuesday, May 13, 2003

DANGER: Food police, 12 o'clock

It's time to whip out the elephant gun! It's been getting dusty with disuse.

Just when did we become a world of such co-dependant, whiny, pansies? At what point did we as a species check our collective brain in at the door? Ki manyè nou telman kouyon kon sa! We demand freedoms, yet shy away from their implicit responsibilities. We spurn all attempts at Orwellian incursions on our privacy, yet insist that we be protected from the consequences of every foolish decision we take. I knew this was going to happen as soon as that anti-tobacco pogrom took a foothold in the US courts a few years ago.

Exhibit A:
Don't Let Oreo Cookies Partially Hydrogenate Our Children!

Exhibit B:
"Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson warned fast food chains on Thursday that he would "single out" corporations for punishment and reward based on their commitment to the nation's health."
Thompson Warns Fast Food Chains on Obesity

Nota bene, I am not promoting tobacco use, not even as a spice; but was there actually someone who believed that smoking was good for them? Really? Do we sincerely think that eating out at MacDonald's 24/7 is a healthy lifestyle choice? Does it not occur to us that the tale woven by the Nigerian 'businessman' who just has to get his father's USD $20M out of the country is a trifle suspect? Is it truly the responsibility of the school, the state, hell, the gingerbread man, to raise our spawn? Whose fault is it if your progeny; unencumbered by disability, disease or hunger; can't pass the FCAT, the politicians? Are Oreo's killing our children; or is it that they won't get their lazy, self-indulgent, couch bound behinds away from the TV, XBox, chat room, refrigerator?

If there are indeed people out there who hold these as truths, perhaps we should send a note of thanks to every fast food chain, telemarketer, TV psychic, flimflam artist, street corner drug dealer, and corporate boogey man for the invaluable service they render in preserving the integrity of the gene pool. Let's be pragmatic. Given that the average life expectancy rate has risen in the past century due to advances in health care systems, nutrition and medicine; it stands to reason that there are many out there who are defying Darwinian standards for survival. The dross has got to go!

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!