Saturday, May 24, 2003


This is what happens when one tries to avoid televised coverage of an Aussie thwacking of the Windies.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Infocom interactive fiction - a science fiction story
Copyright 1984 Infocom Inc. All rights reserved.
Release 59 / Serial number 851108

You wake up. The room is spinning very gently round your head. Or at least it would be if you could see it which you can't.

It is pitch black.

>get up
Very difficult, but you manage it. The room is still spinning. It dips and sways a little.

You have a big blinding throbber.

>turn on light
Good start to the day. Pitty it's going to be the worst one of your life. The light is now on.

The bedroom is a mess.
It is a small bedroom with a faded carpet and old wallpaper. There is a washbasin, a chair with a tatty dressing gown slung over it, and a window with the curtains drawn. Near the exit leading south is a phone.
There is a flathead screwdriver here.
There is a toothbrush here.

>get dressing gown
Luckily, this is large enough for you to get hold of. You notice something in the pocket.

>put on dressing gown
You are now wearing your gown.

>open pocket
Opening your gown reveals a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is, a buffered analgesic, and pocket fluff.

>take analgesic
You swallow the tablet. After a few seconds the room begins to calm down and behave in an orderly manner. Your terrible headache goes.

>get all
telephone: You pick up the receiver. A moment later, the dialing tone is suddenly cut off. Glancing through the window you can't help but notice the large old oak tree of which you are particularly fond crashing down through the phone cable.
flathead screwdriver: Taken.
toothbrush: As you pick up the toothbrush a tree outside the window collapses. There is no causal relationship between these two events. Shouldn't you be taking more interest in events in the world around you? While you've got it...?

>What do you mean by that?
I don't know the word "do".

>look out window
As you part your curtains you see that it's a bright morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the meadows are blooming, and a large yellow bulldozer is advancing on your home.

>go outside
You rush down the stairs in panic.

Front Porch
This is the enclosed front porch of your home. Your front garden lies to the south, and you can re-enter your home to the north. On the doormat is a pile of junk mail.

>go south
Front of House
You can enter your home to the north. A path leads around it to the northeast and northwest, and a country lane is visible to the south. All that lies between your home and the huge yellow bulldozer bearing down on it is a few yards of mud.

Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch. He looks startled to see you emerge, and yells at you to get out of the way. The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.

>Mr. Prosser, leave
"Please step aside as I need to be able to knock your house down."
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.

You sound rather negative.
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.

>lie down
You lie down in the path of the advancing bulldozer. Prosser yells at you to for crissake move!!!

>attack bulldozer with screwdriver
You are obviously letting things get to you. You should learn to relax a little.

The buldozer thunders toward you. The ground is shaking beneath you as you lie in the mud.

You sound rather positive.

The noise of the giant buldozer is now so violently loud that you can't even hear Prosser yelling to warn you that you will be killed if you don't get the hell out of the way. You just see him gesticulating wildly.

How nice.

With a terrible grinding of gears the bulldozer comes to an abrupt halt just in frount of you. It shakes, shudders, and emits noxious substances all over your rose bed. Prosser is incoherent with rage.

Moments later, your friend ford Prefect arrives. he hardly seems to notice your predicament, but keeps glancing nervously at the sky. he says "Hello, Arthur," takes a towel from his battered leather satchel, and offers it to you.

>ford, hello
"Hello to you too."

Ford glances uncomfortably at the sky. He offers you the towel again.

>look at sky
You see nothing special about the sky.

Ford seems oblivious to your trouble, so you ask "Ford, what about my home?" he looks startled, then guilty. He starts to say something and stops. He starts to say something else and stops. Suddenly he seems to see the bulldozer for the first time, stops starting to say things and starts.

He seems to come to a momentous decision, says he has something of Earth-shattering importance to tell you, and stresses the importance of a quick drink at the Horse 'n Groom.

Pointing toward Prosser, you exclaim "But that man wants to knock my house down!" Ford goes off for a quiet word with Prosser. From where you're lying, you cannot hear what's happening, although they seem deeply engrossed in conversation.

>get up
The bulldozer driver gives a quick chew of his gum and slams in the clutch. The bulldozer piles into the side of your home.

Your home collapses in a cloud of dust, and a stray flying brick hits you squarely on the back of the head. You try to think of some suitable last words, but what with the confusion of the moment and the spinning of your head, you are unable to compose anything pithy and expire in silence.

You keep out of this, you're dead. An ambulance arrives.

>I am not dead
You keep out of this, you're dead and should be concentrating on developing a good firm rigor mortis. You are put in the ambulance, which drives away.

>what's for breakfast
For a dead person you are talking too much. As the ambulance reaches the mortuary a fleet of Vogon Constructor ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.

HHGG Infocom Adventure

The Windies aren't doing any better than I am. Current score: West Indies 33/2 (10.3 ov), West Indies require another 254 runs with 8 wickets and 39.3 overs remaining; West Indies RR: 3.14, Required RR: 6.43.

5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!