Saturday, March 06, 2004


Reg 'I want to live with cannibals' Barker's quest to hang with a tribe of alleged cannibals in Papua New Guinea has landed Zoo Weekly in hot soup. The rag had offered £2,000 to the winner of a contest aimed at finding Mr Barker a dinner erm, travelling companion, after his wife and kids bailed on the idea.

Awfully decent of 'em, don't you think? No? Well neither do the tribesmen!
"The competition was branded racist by Benny Wenda, a Papuan tribal leader living in Britain, who is planning to take his protest to Emap's headquarters in central London..."

  • German hubby claims additional welfare benefits to subsidise his porn and hooker habit.
    "He had claimed 2,500-euros (about £1,700) a month to cover the cost of weekly trips to a brothel, eight porn videos and transport costs to and from a video store."
  • German eel gets ad contract. (mutter, mutter, grumble)
    "Eelfie has lived in the Richter's bath in Bochum ever since he was caught by Paul Richter 33 years ago, and the kids refused to let him cook it."
  • Pedophile undergoes voluntary castration. Well that settles that.

BZZZZZT/*HIC*/STUPID CRIMINALS FILES (Heck I dunno, you figure out where this guy belongs.)

Drunk fresh off of a four day 21st birthday bender takes plane for joyride and crashes into 100,000 volt power line. Uh, did I mention that he'd had no flight experience?



5 Ninjas, 1 Kitten and a Fifth of Vodka!